I know how it feels to feel like I can barely breathe. I know you do too. I wrote this piece a few years ago, trying to find space to breathe, space to heal, Sink into it for a minute and then I am going to take you on a breathwork journey.
Psalm: In the Valley
The real world goes like this:
I live in a valley and this place in my mind can
often collect lint like a long unwashed navel.
Pieces blown by the wind that settle like tumbleweeds
Held against a fence,
Littered with paper and trash bits.
These are the worries, the concerns:
The broken oven
The car that bumped into a deer,
The 22 year old who is stuck like that deer in the headlights,
Not knowing where to turn, shifting, changing ideologies,
Routing the Love & Logic core I sought to instill
I live in a valley and this place in my mind can
often collect lint like a long unwashed navel.
Pieces blown by the wind that settle like tumbleweeds
Held against a fence,
Littered with paper and trash bits.
These are the worries, the concerns:
The broken oven
The car that bumped into a deer,
The 22 year old who is stuck like that deer in the headlights,
Not knowing where to turn, shifting, changing ideologies,
Routing the Love & Logic core I sought to instill
Highlighting all the mistakes I made as a mama
Holding on to… what?!
When your two children are gone.
Their spirits have long since fled
Now their bodies, their physical presence is gone
And she doesn’t call me back
And the roof needs to be replaced
My house’s foundations are sagging
There are days that I wish to pull covers over my head
In this valley.
And around this valley are strong mountains, assorted grayish ridges,
some blue majestic mountaintops
Beckoning me to explore the pockets of lush sustenance
Reminding me that the Creator will provide everything that I need
I look to the hills
This is where my help comes from
My help comes from you, Yahweh
The Maker of Heaven and earth
You are the Creator
You are responsible
You are my Father
You are responsible
You created my children
You are responsible
You alone are the Savior
I am not the Savior
Breathe in
Beauty
Breathe out
Fear
Breathe in
Hope
Breathe out
Doubt
You are responsible
The river flows
The seasons cycle
The rhythms of life go on and on
I can trust you
You see
You know
You are the mountain and You fill the valley with Your goodness.
The real world goes like this.
Holding on to… what?!
When your two children are gone.
Their spirits have long since fled
Now their bodies, their physical presence is gone
And she doesn’t call me back
And the roof needs to be replaced
My house’s foundations are sagging
There are days that I wish to pull covers over my head
In this valley.
And around this valley are strong mountains, assorted grayish ridges,
some blue majestic mountaintops
Beckoning me to explore the pockets of lush sustenance
Reminding me that the Creator will provide everything that I need
I look to the hills
This is where my help comes from
My help comes from you, Yahweh
The Maker of Heaven and earth
You are the Creator
You are responsible
You are my Father
You are responsible
You created my children
You are responsible
You alone are the Savior
I am not the Savior
Breathe in
Beauty
Breathe out
Fear
Breathe in
Hope
Breathe out
Doubt
You are responsible
The river flows
The seasons cycle
The rhythms of life go on and on
I can trust you
You see
You know
You are the mountain and You fill the valley with Your goodness.
The real world goes like this.
